So there you are. You’ve been laid off. Or you’re afraid of being laid off. You’re worried about the economy. You’re involved with a crazy-maker, or you realize you’re nice to the point of self-destruction. You’ve noticed you’re angry. Maybe you feel lost. Maybe you’ve done “all the right things,” all the things someone told you you were supposed to do. You got the job. You married the girl. You got the house and the 2 kids and the 2 cars. You did it all ‘right’. But you can’t be yourself. Something is missing. You weren’t noticing, but you’ve sort of let life take it’s own course.
And what happens when you let life take it’s own course? When you forget what inspires and invigorates you? How does it feel to believe that life has trapped you in a dark place because you’re blocked or afraid? Or because you’ve limited your passion, that thing you were meant to do with your life, to a couple of hours on the weekends, if you still allow yourself to do it at all? What happens dream of travel instead of going somewhere? What happens when you wonder what it would have been like to start that business? What happens when you begin to wonder if you missed it -- the turn you should have taken, or some opportunity you let pass by? What happens when you have lost a sense of possibility, forgotten what you want, or have no clue what to do next to get there?
If you’re lucky? That’s when you give up.
What?!?!
Yeah. I know. We’re conditioned never to give up. Never surrender. We tend to try to fight the problem with more of the same. We try to think our way out of a problem that we thought our way into in the first place.
We get another job, just like the last one. We try to make more money than we made before. We cling to the relationship that hasn’t fulfilled us for years, going back to try to ‘be a better person’ in order to make it work.
We think ‘more of the same’ is going to fix everything. The problem is that where you are? That blocked place where something doesn’t feel right? Isn’t you. It isn’t right for you.
So we use things (or people) to fill the void. “If I just hang on to the perfect spouse”.....”if I just work more hours”....or maybe we watch too many movies, eat too much, work out too much, or just generally keep ourselves so busy running from here to there and back again that we can numb ourselves and keep ourselves from noticing where we really are. It’s pretty amazing the things we can use to keep ourselves blocked.
And we can do this for a very long time. Until we can’t anymore. Something, eventually, will always come along to shatter the illusion. Some drama will unfold. (And if we ignore this? The drama will come back around again. This time, it will be bigger. It’ll happen again and again until we finally pay attention.) Typically, we’ll try one last time to hang on. We’ll try one last time....to do what we’ve done before. We try one more time to make it work.
Until we can’t anymore. Somewhere along the way, the truth started seeping in. Now we’re aware. Now we know. And we can’t ‘un-know’ what we know. And finally, we cave in. We give up.
People think we’re breaking down, or having a mid-life crisis, or have lost our blooming minds. But we haven’t. We’ve just finally gotten so tired that we can’t keep up the facade anymore.
The truth is that we’re about to find our minds, not lose them. We’re about to be who we were all along. We’re about to do what we were always supposed to be doing.
Seeing Possibility
All of this is a part of the process of letting the ‘old you’, the ‘false you’ go. Things that used to work, don’t anymore. But as you begin to relax and accept that things aren’t working, possibility begins to open up.
You begin to see that all those things you thought you couldn’t live without? The relationship, the job, the car, the stuff, the things you thought identified you? You can live without them. And they don’t identify you.
It’s like coming out of a dark, confined hole. You didn’t even know you were in a hole and suddenly, you see this whole world, full of color and opportunity and people and potential. You see options and choices you didn’t see before.
You begin to see that the things you thought were problems? The things you thought were the worst possible things that could ever happen? Were all things that were guiding you to living the life you were meant to live and being who you were meant to be. (Yes. You already know who and what that is. You’ve just forgotten.)
There is a point where the ‘old’ is gone and the ‘new’ isn’t clear yet. This part? It can be uncomfortable.
And this space? It’s expansive. It’s glorious.
But it’s also a tad disconcerting. We like being on ‘solid footing’ but we’re not on solid footing yet. We haven’t learned the new way yet.
Being accustomed to instant gratification, we tend to try to skip this part. We’re tempted to go right back to the old life because it’s familiar and comfortable. But now we can’t. We can only move forward.
But rest assured, a new vision will become clear. A better one. This vision, this direction, is the thing that you were meant to do with your life. You'll know. You'll know with certainty. And you'll feel free. And, well, happy.
You'll be honest with yourself. And you'll be yourself in the world. This leads you to do work that brings you joy. And take care of yourself. And your relationships get better. And life, while it may still be hard at times, isn't such a struggle anymore.
This is who you were meant to be all along.
The Other Side
This is where the work really begins. Out there. In the world. Taking action. Now we know what we were meant to do, what works for us, what doesn’t. We have begun to be who we truly are.
And this might be a time when people around you really start to think you’ve lost it.
You’re father was an accountant, so you became an accountant. But you hate numbers. So you go back to school and become a vet. And your father and your mother and your spouse freak out a little. And your co-workers spew venom at you as you give your notice and go out to live the dream. (Yes. Those spewing venom? They’re jealous. They’re blocked too and just don’t know it yet.)
Your spouse might actually be the right person for you. But she has her own little mini-breakdowns as you begin to express your real concern for your kids, rather than being too nice, and not walking on eggshells anymore to keep from upsetting her. Or because you stop responding on demand, much like your children and your pets do. (Maybe her getting upset is how she’ll learn her lessons and become more of her own true self. Maybe, you grow together. Everyone thinks growing means growing apart. Sometimes it does. Sometimes it doesn’t.)
And your friends? Well they might just disappear all together. After all, the ‘old you’ fits into their own cozy little view of the world. If you grow ‘nerve’ and start really living a happy, fulfilled life, they just might not be able to handle it. After all, they’ve still got the blinders on. And it’s still working for them on some level.
If you suddenly start going to the gym and eating right, your friends who like to hang at the bar and drink beer and munch on cheese sticks and pizza most nights probably aren’t automatically going to jump on the bandwagon. And they may not be supportive of your new lifestyle. They don’t get it.
The good news? You’ll find other friends. In fact, you’ll be amazed how many people there are out there who are on the same path you are and are just waiting for you to show up. They’re waiting to support you, hang out with you, have fun with you. They’re waiting to hear your authentic voice and revel in your being who you were meant to be in the world all along.
They’ll be there. I promise.
There Is One Trick Though
It all takes work. (There’s no ‘secret’ here.) There’s no magical thinking that will suddenly and instantly make everything clear. There’s no magic pill that will take you from point A to point B in seven days.
But some of the work can be fun. It can be ‘creative’. And while you might find answers while enjoying work that most people consider creative (design, writing, painting, dancing).....it’s not just that. It’s the ‘creative tools’ that open us up.
It’s imagining. It’s play. It’s seeing a new way of doing things. That might be in art. Or it might envisioning a whole new business model. Using creative tools to find the life you were meant to live might very well lead you to being a dentist. The tools are simply that. Tools.
Even if you think you aren’t creative, you are. Everyone is. It doesn’t mean that you have to go off and live the life of an artist. Being creative requires paying attention. Seeing a new way of doing things requires paying attention.
The ‘creative part’? That’s just where we learn how to be aware, how to pay attention. It’s how we learn what we’re meant to do. Then, we have to do it.
It does all take work. It’s an ongoing process.
But with support and the right tools?
The process can be a whole lot of fun.
If you’re at any of the stages I just described. Or if you’re on this path and are ready to go deeper, sign up for the Creative Pathways course. Not only will the course take you through this process, you’ll have the support of other people who have already signed up...who are going through similar experiences. And that alone can be monumental.
You can have a deep, rich, joyful, fulfilling life. It’s never too late to remember what it is you want and go for it.
All the best!
deb
P.S. And 10% of the full price of registration goes to the SEVA Challenge, which goes towards building an eco-friendly birthing center, a school, and fighting youth AIDS in Uganda.
