you found your purpose. but do you know what your values are?

Building the lives we dream of requires personal responsibility.  Taking personal responsibility for our lives involves more than just knowing our purpose.  Knowing our purpose leads us to knowing our values, and hopefully living congruently with those values.  

But the Problem Is......

 The workaholic who arrives home only to begin overeating, gambling with his buddies, and spending tremendous amounts of time online to the detriment of his career and family throws up his hands and says, “I have an addictive personality.  I can’t help it.  That’s just the way I am.”  

He makes himself a victim of his own personality characteristics.

And perhaps he does have real issues to deal with.  

But the difference is between the guy who turns it into an excuse to live outside what he believes his values should be, and the person who recognizes these issues and traits, does the inner work,  and begins to deliberately choose his values and take actions that are then congruent with the principles he believes are true.

The Harsh Truth

The truth is that the actions we take and where we choose to spend our time tells us what our true values and priorities are, regardless of what we may tell ourselves that they are.  This can be difficult to face, and so the downward spiral begins.

The Downward Spiral

When someone makes the choice to live their life differently from their stated values, they become increasingly insecure, afraid of ‘being found out’.  They become more and more stressed as they attempt to control things around them and ‘appear perfect’.  

Guilt and shame can begin to take hold, increasing the insecurity and decreasing self-esteem.  All of this, of course, undermines relationships, careers, and all areas of life.  

Why Inner Work is So Important

If the person I’ve described attempts to change, but does not do the inner work?  The ‘new, better behavior’ is unlikely to continue for very long.  This person might exhibit external behaviors, usually with good intention, that superficially appear that he has turned a new leaf.

But without addressing the underlying problems, and truly aligning his behavior with rediscovered or reset values, the disparity between his values and actions will return and lead down the same path he’s just traveled.  

It All Works Together

Just as productivity tools aren’t effective when not connected with purpose, attempting external behavioral changes without connecting them to our values and who we are, tends to be not only difficult short-lived as well.

It isn’t always easy.  But it is possible to turn things around.  There is hope.  

The first thing to do?  Stop.  

Then take that long, hard look at where you are now, with a dose of humility and forgiveness for yourself.  

Let go of the past.  

And start now.  Start using tools to discover your purpose and values, doing the inner work while being aware and noticing the external behaviors.  

Knowing your purpose and your values, will begin to evolve into a guide for where you spend your time and what you do.  And it will come easier, because it will come from a strong sense of who you are.

Do you know what values are driving you?

Are you actively choosing your values and living by them? 

All the best!

deb

P.S.  Do you know where you want to be in 5 years?  Do you know what your values are and you living in line with them?  Do you want to enhance your creativity or live a more creative, fulfilling life?  If you need help in those areas, see what changes people have experienced and what they say about working with Deb.  

Comments

[Positively Present]

Love this post. You might have a purpose, but values are just as important (if not more so!) and you've done a great job addressing how the two are intertwined. Thanks for this! You've definitely given me something to think about now...

[Paul Maurice Martin]

Good consciousness-raising thoughts. Something I've found that helps a lot with general self awareness is building at least a little quiet, reflective time into every day.

[Deb Owen]

Thanks Dani. Glad you found it thought-provoking.

@Paul - Absolutely! In fact, there's an exercise built into the Creative Pathways class that gets us into the habit of doing just that! Thanks for the comment and welcome!

All the best!
deb