Yesterday, we talked about people with a victim mentality. As promised, today, we’ll talk about how to stop. If we identify areas where we’re exhibiting this type of mentality, it can be overcome. It takes practice. But it’s possible.
How to Stop
First, notice your language. Notice your thoughts. Notice when you are using the language of a victim mentality. And then work to change them.
What’s The Difference
The difference for someone without a victim mentality isn’t that ‘bad’ things don’t happen to them. It’s all about how they choose to respond, beginning with what the think about whatever it is that has happened.
For example:
The economy tanks. And two people just started new businesses. One says, “Oh great! Just my luck! I finally make the leap to start my business and the economy tanks! This is just never gonna happen.”
The other? The other thinks thoughts like, “OK. So I made the leap to self-employment and the economy tanked. I might have to change my strategy up a bit. But I know this is going to be a success.”
Stop Blaming
Stop blaming others. And stop blaming yourself.
Blaming is a waste of energy that could be applied towards taking actions to make your life better. In most instances, you’ll make a bigger and more positive impact if you don’t waste time trying to figure out who is at fault.
As For Blaming Yourself
There is a quote by Maya Angelou that explains it best.
“You did what you knew how to do, and when you knew better, you did better.”
Life is a learning process. As long as we do the work, and continue to grow.
In the meantime, trust that you did the best you knew how to do in the circumstances you were in at the time.
Learn. Let it go. And then be mindful so that if similar circumstances arise, you do better next time.
Begin to Identify Areas of Control
There are a great many things in life we can’t control. Then, there are areas where we can have influence. And then, we have the things we can control. Those things usually have to do with us, and our responses to circumstances. The things you can’t control? Stop trying. It’s a losing battle.
You Do Have a Choice
You have a myriad of choices. You might not like the other choices. But you do have choices. And it begins by choosing to take responsibility for your life.
Because Here’s the Thing
That underlying belief that you have that tells you it’s better to ‘play small’ and that you have to garner pity from others in order to get through life -- because ultimately, you don’t trust that you can handle things on your own? You know, that part of you that’s afraid to be you out in the world?
Those beliefs? That thinking? That fear?
It’s wrong. It’s absolutely wrong.
Marianne Williamson said it very well:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? ...Your playing small does not serve the world....We are all meant to shine, as children do. ...It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
Begin today. Start today.
Start taking responsibility for your life, freeing all that energy you waste on that victim mentality to start building the life that you were intended to live.
All the best!
deb
P.S. Learn how to Create Your Own Path & Get What You Want (Click here)
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I'm so glad you posted this follow-up. It's filled with such great information. Victim mentality is a problem for a LOT of people (especially women) and you offer really great insights on how to overcome it. Excellent!
Posted by: Positively Present | June 26, 2009 at 08:44 AM
Deb, this is really good advice.
"The difference for someone without a victim mentality isn’t that ‘bad’ things don’t happen to them. It’s all about how they choose to respond, beginning with what the think about whatever it is that has happened."
To me that encapsulates it all. It's how you respond to what happens.
Posted by: Stephen - Rat Race Trap | June 27, 2009 at 07:51 AM
Great post, Deb! Your thoughts and suggestions are all firmly rooted in a lifestyle of personal accountability, which I absolutely love!
I've shared you post with my readers in my weekly Rainmaker 'Fab Five' blog picks of the week (found here: http://www.maximizepossibility.com/employee_retention/2009/06/the-rainmaker-fab-five-blog-picks-of-the-week-4.html) to help keep them from a victim mindset.
Be well!
Posted by: Chris Young | June 29, 2009 at 12:55 AM