i'm not lazy, i just don't care

laurie is so punk rock and cool. and today, she writes about how "performance reviews are for suckers." and she's dead on. i'll tell you another HR secret. most of the time, performance reviews don't really matter all that much. even in a company where salary increases are tied to merit, there isn't going to be much difference between what the guy who scores a "4" gets over someone who scores a "3". it's an exercise in politics. it's documentation. that's it. a truly good manager is giving you feedback throughout the year, including detailing what you do right and well.

which brings me to another point. my mother always gave me this advice regarding gossip and/or criticism: consider the source.

if your manager is not a good manager throughout the year, your performance review probably looks exactly like the performance reviews of all your peers. why? because he's just trying to fill out the paperwork and turn it into HR before the due date. that's all.

and while laurie is right, and we know that you work hard, do good things both at work and outside of work, and are a good person with a good heart.....we also know that enough meaningless performance reviews and only hearing from management when you do something wrong will probably turn you, a good employee, into the guy from "office space" who finally gave management this feedback:

Peter Gibbons: The thing is, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.
Bob Porter: Don't... don't care?
Peter Gibbons: It's a problem of motivation, all right? Now if I work my ass off and Initech ships a few extra units, I don't see another dime; so where's the motivation? And here's something else, Bob: I have eight different bosses right now.
Bob Slydell: I beg your pardon?
Peter Gibbons: Eight bosses.
Bob Slydell: Eight?
Peter Gibbons: Eight, Bob. So that means that when I make a mistake, I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it. That's my only real motivation is not to be hassled; that, and the fear of losing my job. But you know, Bob, that will only make someone work just hard enough not to get fired.

all the best!
deb

Comments

[The Happy Employee]

You're not allowed to disclose HR secrets anymore ;-)

PS: did anybody see my red stapler?

[HR Wench]

It's all about motivation. I felt like a failure at my last job because I wasn't motivated to do anything but middle of the road effort. But you know what? I told my boss I wasn't motivated about 67 times and he didn't do a darn thing about it. So I say we are even.

PS I love the new pic you have up. Hubba hubba!

[laurie]

Give us an update on how you're doing, Deb.

PS - I cried at my last performance review because my boss gave me feedback from 2005 in my 2006 performance review that was given to me in June 2007 (after I had already received my raise on April 1, 2007).

At that point, I sobbed for all mankind. If we can't get it right in HR, how are we getting it right for others?

[deb]

happy employee, i beg to differ. now that i'm free of HR, i get to disclose ALL the secrets.
;-)

HR wench, i totally agree. call it even. glad you had a great time on your trip! (that's the way to go out!) and thanks for the compliment on the new photo.

laurie, update coming soon. (here's a tip: it's GREAT!) there were many times i wondered the same thing -- if we couldn't do it in HR, how could we expect others to? (and what's this 'we' stuff, i'm an ex-HR chick now.)
;-)

all the best!
deb

[Evil HR Lady]

I love the new picture as well.

And do confess all the HR secrets.

And I hate performance appraisals. Hate them with a passion.

[Baby Girl]

Thank you for enlightening me to what I long suspected to be true. My manager has been over my group for one year. Employees are supposed to have monthly one-on-one sessions w/ their managers. In the year her has been here I have had only two. Four months in, he picked a fight w/ me about paper. So now he's scrambling to build a file on every1. The reviews take place next week and he has picked ANOTHER fight w/ two team members asking them to give him something in writing to explain why they come to work after 8 am. I remind my two team mates that this frustration is all over 3 to 4 percent increases that we will NEVER see in our checks because we're already in the hole due to the 30 percent increase in health insurance costs we took in October.

[deb]

well baby girl, i see you picked up on that whole other thing....a 3-4% raise against a 30% increase in benefits costs is actually...um...a loss. yep. of course, that all depends on where that increase is. if you're company is smart, they're building the plan so that the few who actually use the plan a lot might pay a little more, and not those who don't. (another HR secret: benefits are way more complicated for companies than people realize.)

all the best!
deb

[Wally Bock]

This post was selected for the Carnival of Human Resources
http://blog.threestarleadership.com/2008/03/18/31908-the-carnival-of-human-resources.aspx

[Rowan Manahan]

Wow! Stunning. And so scarily on-the-nose accurate. "I will only work hard enough to not get fired." QED

[evil.HRIS Guy]

I like performance reviews because of two reasons.

1.Job security: I have to process them and do all sorts of meaningless analysis for management to fit into their pre-constructed, pre-conceived reality.

2.I have to read them all, and quite frankly some of them are quite amusing.

Other than that, the quote from office space is exactly the sentiment of most of the workers, the reviews/self evals reflect the reality that sr management wants to see. (Even I get to practice some of the creative writing courses I've taken)

[Kelly O]

See, this is EXACTLY where I am right this second. It's not that I'm lazy, I just don't care. And I don't want to be fired, but I don't care enough to do more... someone hypnotize me please so I can just go fishing every day!

[Kelly O]

See, this is EXACTLY where I am right this second. It's not that I'm lazy, I just don't care. And I don't want to be fired, but I don't care enough to do more... someone hypnotize me please so I can just go fishing every day!